BAM
by WhirligigSwirl
Summary: How I think Twilight should have ended. Call it crack if that helps.


In hindsight, I was right. Renesmee should never have come hunting with us. But as she was now the approximate height and weight of a sixteen year old, my whole family, Rosalie and Carlisle included, had rallied for me to allow her to come for a family hunting trip, and I had caved. Alice had even predicted especially delicious game this week, so we'd all gone deep into the mountains and let go of our senses.  
Almost at once we caught the scent of a herd of deer, and, moving quickly, we singled out the weakest dozen of the pack. Once surrounded, we settled down to feed. Renesmee managed to make a complete bloody mess of herself, but Alice had had the foresight to bring extra clothes with her for exactly that purpose. Besides, I almost didn't care- Alice had been right. The deer had blood sweeter and wetter than any I'd had since I'd been pregnant with my daughter and had drunk human blood. Sated, and oddly drowsy, we cleaned up and set out for home at a slower pace.  
By the time we got back, Nessie was asleep in my arms, so I took her into her bedroom and lay down on her bed with her. Even though she was physically sixteen, she was little more than six months old, and I still liked to cuddle with her.

...

Three hours later, I woke up and immediately screamed, waking Renesmee. I hadn't slept since before she was born, and I felt horribly disoriented, my senses somewhat... dulled. Shaking it off, I got up and went down to the main house to see how everyone was- only to find them draped across various pieces of furniture in the living room, asleep. "What the hell?" I muttered, wandering around to look them all over. They seemed fine, not breathing, but clearly not dead. Occasionally, they'd even mutter in their sleep. Shaking, I retreated back to Edward's and my house to think it over. I decided to ask Carlisle about it when he woke up, and picked up a book to distract myself with while I waited for them.

...

The next day, when everyone had stopped panicking over their first ever nap as vampires, Carlisle gave us all physicals, as much as he could, then had Emmett vomit up a bit of the blood we'd consumed on the hunt earlier for testing. Meanwhile, we tested the limits of our capabilities and found that we could no longer hear whispers from the other side of the house. In addition to which, it seemed that we all felt completely starving.  
While Carlisle continued his tests, we went out for more food. This time, we came across a few mountain lions and a bear, which we made quick work of. They were even better than the deer from yesterday's hunt.  
When we got back, we found Carlisle slumped over his work, asleep. The rest of us decided on another nap, while I prepared Nessie some soup to tide her over (she hadn't been allowed out on this hunt.) We curled up with her father on the couch in his room, and soon her steadily beating heart knocked us all out.

...

Carlisle woke in time to see flames licking at the door. He leaped out the window with a bundle of his work, but it was too late to save his family, taken by surprise while they slept. It was later determined that the stove burner had been left on, and a dishcloth too near for safety. They all perished.  
Heartbroken, he continued his tests till he found that the animals in the area had been regularly dosed with a mixture of butorphanol, azaperone, and medetomidine, a tranquilizer commonly used on bears. However, the effect had been to make the minds of him and his family more human than they'd been as vampires, and they'd slept and metabolized much, much faster than most vampires. And burned like any other vampire when trapped in a house fire.  
Three days later, he lit his own pyre, drained several dear to make him humanly sluggish, and burned to death at his own hand.

***  
This is how it ends. The vampires die, and die painfully, along with their whole family. They die alone, and that's the end of their soulless existence.

* * *

**A/N: The tranquilizer mentioned in the story is real.**

**"The BAM drug combination was premixed using 0.5 ml butorphanol (30 mg/ml), 0.25 ml azaperone (50 mg/ml), and 0.25 ml medetomidine (20 mg/ml) per milliliter to yield a final mix of (15 mg butorphanol + 12.5 mg azaperone + 5 mg medetomidine)/ml."**

**I'm going off the understanding that there were some green-minded hunters who wanted to shoot and down animals, but not kill them, so they used tranqs so that when they woke up, sans darts, they'd get up and wander woozily off. These are also very wide-range hunters, and they apparently hit a whole herd or two.**


End file.
